


Something About Us

by sharpiemarkie



Series: The Weight of Living [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 30 Days of Writing, 3DMG Accidents, Angst, Confessions, Crushes, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Humor, Male-Female Friendship, POV Female Character, POV First Person, Pining, Reader-Insert, Restless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 09:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4473626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharpiemarkie/pseuds/sharpiemarkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Number 3 of a series written to prompts of the 30 Days of Writing Challenge.</p><p>Based on the canon events of Attack on Titan, this part of the ongoing series of reader-insert one shots that deal with the growth of the relationship between the Reader and Jean Kirschtein through their training days on out. Sharing the same desire to make it into the Military Police, the two quickly become friends (along with Marco!) and work hard to make it into the top ten when they graduate. </p><p>When a routine practice run goes haywire because of malfunctioning 3D Maneuvering Gear, an almost fatal fall brings a big change into our heroine's life. As the hours seem to drag on, she goes through a storm of emotions due to the fact the fall may have taken away some of her dreams for a better future. Luckily, fate has been kind enough for once to help her get through the restless night.</p><p>Prompt: Restless</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something About Us

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry that it's taken me a century to update these one-shots, but real life's been hectic with college and me moving to new place within a few weeks. 
> 
> Anyways, this is just for your information, but this installment doesn't follow any specific chapter or episode of Attack on Titan, but it is still within the trainee years of the cadets and Jean, Marco, and the Reader are within the ages of 17-18 years old. I hope everyone enjoys it! :)

              Today started out as any other regular day here on the training grounds. Us cadets got up from our beds and dressed in our uniforms, ate breakfast in the mess hall with our friends, did the warm-up drills the instructors make us do every day, and then we suited up our 3DMG to practice in the woods our maneuvering skills. There had just been a huge inspection and service done on everyone’s gear the last three days so this was the first time we were actually able to do our usual practice with them for this week. Using the 3DMG was always my favorite things about becoming a soldier because it made me feel free from my worries. Getting to fly across the skyline and scale tree with ease was something that always amazed me.

              After all the cadets had their gear situated, Shadis had us split off into squads to maneuver through the trees together until we reached the other end of the woods. While we’re flying, we also have to be on the watch for obstacles and wooden titans placed around to help improve our evasiveness as well as our skills on killing titans along the way. This was going to be a big part on our final examination, so it was very important for all the cadets to practice this every week.

              For this particular training session, I was put in a squad with Jean, Reiner, and Bertholdt Fubar, who was Reiner’s best friend. I was pretty happy with the group since we are all contenders for the top ten and I got along well with everyone. Not only that, I was glad that I could keep an eye on Jean. His talent lies in using the 3DMG, but I sometimes worry that he’ll slip up and hurt himself. We’ve already had many casualties during 3DMG practice and countless of cadets were injured badly throughout the years and no one ever knows when something bad will happen in the air. Jean likes to think he can take care of himself and would probably get mad if he knew I’ve been watching over him, but I can’t help it. I just feel more comfortable knowing someone is around who actually would help him if he got into any trouble.

              The situation on my crush on Jean hasn’t really got any better either. We’ve gotten even closer than before, but I just can’t bring myself up to telling him that I had deeper feelings for him. Everyone who knows about my crush is still pushing me to tell him before graduation, but I just fear that it would ruin what we already have. I rather be friends with Jean than nothing at all.

              Speaking of the devil, Jean had already came up behind me while I was preoccupied with fixing my hair so it wouldn’t get in the way and I was talking to Mina. I could see the smirk on her face as soon as he arrived and then told me she’d catch up with me later tonight just before leaving me alone with Jean.

              “Hey [First],” he greeted me while walking around my body so that he was standing in front of me.

              “Hi Jean,” I smiled as I finished off my braid with a hair tie, “What brings you over here?”

              “Well, Reiner said that we’re getting ready to start out training soon and wanted me to come get you. Also, I wanted to check over your harness and gear before we start maneuvering through the trees.”

              I couldn’t help but to groan, “Really, Jean? You do this almost every day. Marco’s already checked up on my gear and I’ve looked at it as well. It’s fine!”

              “Well _sorry_ that I don’t want you to fall and splat all over the ground. So far, your ass has been safe, so I guess I’m doing a good job then,” Jean smirked down at me.

              I rolled my eyes and sighed, “If you must check up on me, go ahead.”

              “C’mon [First], you act like you don’t like my hands all over you,” he teased.       

              “Shut up!” I growled, making Jean laugh as he began to pull at the straps of my harness to make sure they were tight enough and well fastened. He did a pretty good job of keeping his hands in unobjectionable places until he got up to my chest strap. I was doing my best to not break out into a blush, but that all went to hell when Jean’s knuckles brushed up against my breasts while he was checking the buckle. My face started burning instantly because my thoughts were turning down a dark path and I prayed that the blush would go away before he was done checking my straps.

              “Well, it looks like everything’s secure enough and your gear seems functional,” Jean informed me as soon as he finished looking over my 3DMG. Then he walked back in front of me and that’s when I knew that I was caught. He looked at my face for a second before he grinned at me, “You’re blushing.”

              “No I’m not!” I denied it as I looked away, “Let’s just go meet up with Reiner and Bertholdt now.”

              “Tell me why you’re blushing.”

              “No! Let’s go!”

              “Not until you tell me what made your face red.”

              “Just drop it! It’s nothing!”

              “You better tell me, [First].”

              Kirschtein and I glared at each other for a moment until I finally caved in, but it was only because I didn’t want to get in trouble with Shadis for not being ready for our training for today.

               “Your hands rubbed against my boobs,” I replied lowly. I was still embarrassed because of it and I did not want anyone else but Jean to hear what I said. As soon as the words left my mouth, Jean’s eyes widened and I could see his cheeks started to redden as well.

              “O-Oh,” he stuttered while rubbing the back of his neck nervously, “I’m sorry. I’m not used to those being a tight fit in the harness.”

              “Are you saying they’ve grown?!?” I cried out, mortified he would even hint about something like that.

              “Well they have since we started training, but I meant that I’m not used to dealing with those!” Jean raised his voice.

              I was just about to fuss back at him when Reiner popped out of nowhere all of a sudden and started laughing at us.

              “You two are a hoot, you know that?” the hulking blond continued chuckling.

              “Were you just eavesdropping on us?” Jean questioned angrily.

              “No, but judging by the redness of both of your faces, it either has something to do with [First]’s fantastic tits or your amazingly, perfect ass, Jean.”

              “WHAT?!? NO!” We screeched at Reiner and then looked at each other with our mouths agape.

              “Must have been both you’re talking about then, since you both answered at the same time.”

              “God Reiner!” exclaimed Jean, “You’re making things worse. Can we just all drop it now?”

              “Fine,” Reiner complied, “Anyways, Bertholdt’s probably getting worried that we’re not with him and ready to start like the other groups.”

              “Sounds good,” I replied, happy to finally get off of this subject. Despite being embarrassed beyond belief because of him, I have to agree with Reiner. Jean does have one _marvelous_ ass. What was even funnier was that he stayed very close to me while I walked behind him so that Reiner wouldn’t be looking at said ass. Oh my sweet, paranoid Jean, you don’t know how amusing you are…

              It didn’t take us but only a minute to arrive to where Bertholdt was waiting for us. The poor fellow looked so fretted that we had taken so long to get together than he would have liked. He seemed to be more at ease though when we all got back into position to get ready to take off into the forest on our 3DMG gear.

              “I was starting to believe you guys felt like ditching me,” Bertholdt told us.

              “Sorry Bertholdt, Jean was just helping me get my gear situated and secure,” I explained.

              “More like Jean wanted to get another chance to feel up [First] again,” snickered Reiner.

              “Goddammit Reiner!” Jean cursed angrily at the blond male, “I thought you said you’d fucking drop it!”

              “Please don’t start this up again,” I begged, “Shadis looks like he’s about to give us the signal to start.”

              “[First]’s right,” concurred Bertholdt, “We don’t need you two getting into a fight when we need to focus on the task at hand. I don’t want us losing points.”

              “Yeah, we can’t afford to lose any when they’re about to declare the top ten of the class in six months.”

              “True,” the others agreed with me and ended their small quarrel.

              Sure enough, Commandant Shadis gave the start signal seconds later after we stopped talking and that was our cue to take off to the skies. After running up towards the woods, I pulled the triggers of my 3DMG and my wires shot out to secure itself to the trees. With only using a bit of gas, I flew off the ground and made my way through the woods to hunt for wooden titans. Jean was ahead of me since he was the best one in the class who could use the gear. Reiner and Bertholdt flew about the same pace as I was, but they were at a good distance from me so that our wires couldn’t get tangled up within each other. So far, it was a pretty good formation to use for scouting out targets within the trees.

              It didn’t take long for the four of us find an opening that contained two wooden titans that were untouched and Jean backed up so that Bertholdt and I could get clear shots at the padded napes. I was told that I was considered the one with the best striking technique in our class according to the talk around camp, so most of the time, my teammates clear me a path to be the first one to strike. After taking out both the targets, Jean motions us to move on so we change directions and follow him deeper into the woods.

              Things seemed to go pretty smoothly for a while. Jean led us through the woods and scouted for targets for us to get while we all took turns on who strikes their napes. By the time we had killed ten wooden titans, I noticed that there was a delay in the shooting and retracting of my wires by a second, but I guessed it was just because my 3DMG was starting to overheat. It wasn’t a real big deal, but I might as well warn the others.

              “Hey guys, my wires are delaying a bit,” I told the boys, “Am I overheating?”

              “You shouldn’t be,” Reiner told me, “Maybe it’s just lagging a bit. Try using more gas.”

              “Alright.”

              I took Reiner’s suggestion and kept moving forward. Using more gas was a bit risky, but I knew that we are almost towards the end of the woods. My gear seemed to work decently despite the delay and we were able to find another opening with targets to take care of. I went down to strike and hit one of the targets perfectly, but I struggled to keep myself airborne after jumping from a branch I landed on afterwards. Luckily, my gas was keeping me up in the air as I waited for my wires to shoot out to the trees ahead of me.

              “[First], are you alright?” Bertholdt asked me as I worked on trying to stabilize myself in the air.

              “I guess so,” I replied, “My gear’s just being stupid.”

              “Do you need to stop for a moment?”

              Just then, I finally got the gear’s equilibrium right again and was able to fly steadily in the air.

              “Nah, I think I just got it straight just now, Bertholdt. I should be alright for the rest of the exercise.”

              “Are you sure it’s alright?” questioned Reiner loud enough so that Jean was alerted of the problem. He was not close enough to hear my voice, but he did look back over his shoulder at me with his brows furrowed.

              “Yeah, it’s good now,” I answered as I threw my thumbs up to show my best friend I was ok.

              “You should push up further so you’re closer to Jean in case something bad happens. He’ll be able to get to you faster than Bertholdt and I can if you fall.”

              “I’m not gonna fall Reiner, but I’ll head up there with him if it makes you all happy.”

              I shot my wires out towards the trees that Jean had just retracted his wires from and swung myself ahead of the other two boys. When I made it as far as I could go on my wires, I retracted them again and used some gas to push me forward a smidge. When it was time for me to shoot my wires back out again, I pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. My gas kept me propelling in the air for just a moment longer before gravity decided to pull me back towards the ground and all of a sudden, I was falling.

              Everything after that happened so fast that it felt like a blur. I screamed someone’s name, most likely Jean’s, as I continued to pull the triggers in both hands, praying that a miracle would happen and at least one of my wires would finally shoot out to break my fall. Jean’s voice roared my name somewhere above me and I saw a tan blur streak through the trees towards me until I collided with a firm body. Jean had managed to catch me, but he was going way too fast and had too much momentum behind him from trying to get to me on time that he couldn’t slow down as fast as he would have liked. When he went to retract his wires to get ready to shoot them back out to help reduce our speed, a thick tree trunk was in our path and Jean couldn’t maneuver fast enough with me in his arms to evade it. He ended up colliding with the bark headfirst and the impact knocked him out immediately and stopped us from moving momentarily.

              I was so shocked that it took me a few seconds to realize that we were falling towards the ground again. Somehow I managed to shift my body in the air so that I would be the one to cushion the fall once we do hit the ground, but I didn’t anticipate a huge branch being in the way and I hit it on my right side and heard the sickening crunch of my ribs against it. Before I had time to register the pain from that, the combined weight of Jean and I together made the branch break and we ended up falling about seven meters towards the ground. The land wasn’t graceful either. My foot was the first thing to hit first so I could feel the bones snapping within my ankle from coming down hard with so much weight on me. Then the rest of my body collapsed on the ground with Jean still unconscious, laying across me. Now that we weren’t falling anymore, all the realization and pain of what just happened hit me like a freight train and I writhed in agony in the dirt of the woods.

              When my pain dulled enough to let me think straight again, I remember how hard Jean must have hit that tree and a shot of fear ran through my body. What if the impact was too hard and it k…? No! I won’t accept that! He can’t be, especially not after saving me!

              “Jean!” I shook him as hard as I could without making my own injuries hurt worse, “Wake up, Jean! You’re crushing me, so get up! C’mon Jean, move!” I tried shaking him again, but still there was no movement. That’s when the tears started to blur my vision and I began to plead, “Don’t do this to me, Jean…Please wake up! I need you to…Please?”

              Just as I began to break out into sobs, I heard the footsteps of people running towards us. It turned out to be Reiner and Bertholdt and I felt a little bit relieved that they were here to help out now.

              “Here they are!” Bertholdt called out to Reiner to follow him over to where we were on the ground, “Are you two alright?”

              “No,” I whimpered out, “Jean hit his head hard and won’t wake up…”

              “But what about you?” Reiner asked as he pulled Jean off of me.

              “I think I got some broken ribs and a broken foot on my right side,” I answered between sobs, “But Jean needs more help than I do.”

              Reiner then tried to rouse Jean up from being unconscious while Bertholdt was busy trying to figure out a way to pick me up off the ground to carry me without aggravating my injuries. While the two were working on that, I could hear the sound of someone’s 3DMG coming closer. It turns out that it was only Annie who came over to check on us.

              “What’s going on?” she questioned Reiner when she landed herself on the ground, “I heard screams.”

              “[First]’s gear malfunctioned in the air and Jean dove down to catch her, but he was going too fast and hit a tree, then they both fell to the ground,” explained Reiner, “[First] has broken her foot and ribs and Jean’s unconscious and won’t wake up.”

              “You need to get them both back to the grounds and to the infirmary.”

              “But what about our scores for the day?” Bertholdt asked Annie, “Will we be penalized for not completing it?”

              “No,” she answered, “Half your team is injured and the commandant said that injury only penalizes during final exam or unless it is extremely serious. That’s why they both need to go to the infirmary as soon as possible. I’ll go tell Shadis what happened while you two take care of them.”

              “Thank you, Annie,” I weakly told her before she left us. She nodded her head in acknowledgement just before flying back up into the trees.

              As soon as Annie was out of sight, Reiner had already put Jean upon his back to carry while Bertholdt was gingerly trying his best to pick me up. He managed to get me into his arms by wrapping one around my shoulders and the other tucked underneath my knees, which actually turned out to be pretty effective since it didn’t hurt me too much. I was still too worried and upset that Jean might not make it out ok to even care much about myself at the moment. Bertholdt continued to check on me periodically as he took me back to the grounds and I told him I was ok, but I could tell he knew that I was hurting more from emotional pain than from my injuries. He even walked closer to Reiner so that I could grab a hold to Jean’s hand as they took us to the infirmary.

              After about ten minutes of walking, Reiner and Bertholdt got the two of us into the infirmary and called over a nurse to look over us. Other medical workers surrounded us immediately and they took me and Jean away to put us in separate beds in a spare room so they could examine us. Bertholdt and Reiner explained to the head nurse what happened to us as they started poking and prodding at my injured body to see what was going to need fixing up. When the medical team took a break on attending to me, I looked over to the other bed to check on Jean, but he was still unconscious. One nurse was wiping up the blood off his face while another wrapped a bandage around his head, but that was it. What got me upset the most was no one seemed really worried about him and attended to me more. Why didn’t anyone else believe that Jean might be in worse condition than I am?

              The medical team continued to look me over thoroughly one last time before finally coming up with a solution to fix my injuries.

              “Her right ribcage is broken, but has not punctured her lungs so it only needs to be wrapped. The right ankle needs surgery before the swelling gets worse. Get the strong drinks for her. I want her out within the next 30 minutes,” the head nurse commanded the other medical workers.

              “What’s going on?” I questioned.

              “We’re going to have to get you to drink liquor until you pass out so that we can reconstruct your ankle with surgery so it will heal up correctly,” another nurse that had examined me replied, “It’s so you’ll be able to walk properly again.”

              “I understand,” my voice wavered just before I asked about Jean, “What about my friend’s condition? Isn’t there something you can do to help him?”

              “We can’t tell if anything is wrong until he wakes up, that is, if he even wakes up.”

              More tears came running down my face once I heard that reply and I decided that all I could do was pray that everything will be alright with Jean. It’s not like any of them were going to help him get better right now anyways. I just hated knowing that he did all this to save me and he might not even wake up because of it.

              It didn’t take long for the other medical workers to bring all of the liquor that they wanted me to drink. They warned me beforehand that probably when I wake up, I’ll have a terrible headache and will most likely get sick, but it was the only way for me to not feel the pain while they worked on my ankle. I didn’t care about the side effects about getting drunk, I just wanted it to make me feel numb and forget about all this pain for at least a little while. Grabbing the bottle that was handed to me, I moved it up to my lips and braced myself for the horrid taste that will soon invade my mouth with the first swig of liquor.

              I tipped the bottle back and my throat began to burn with each swallow I took of the alcoholic drink, but I kept drinking it until my head started to get foggy and my body started feeling more numb. It wasn’t long before I felt my pain lessen up and I was starting to lose consciousness, but I continued to drink until I felt the bottle taken away from my grasp. Quickly, the effects of the alcohol started to kick in and I could feel myself fading out fast. All I could recall was that I had one last thought on my mind before I completely blacked out and that was for a miracle to happen and that Jean would be okay.

* * *

              When I started to regain my senses again, the first thing that I could register was that my head felt like it was about to split open. I tried to open my eyes to see if there was anyone around but as soon as I did, I regretted it. Groaning from the pain, I tried up to use my hands to cover my eyes so that the candlelight’s brightness wouldn’t seep through and hurt me more, but it got intercepted by large, warmer hands. The owner of those hands then spoke and I was relieved to hear that it was a familiar voice.

              “[First], what’s wrong?” Marco asked worriedly.

              “Headache…” was all I could manage to tell him before I started to feel a bit nauseous. God, please don’t let me get sick in front of Marco!

              I heard my best friend rustle around closer to the table that was beside the bed for a moment before he turned his attention back to me.

              “The nurses gave me these painkillers for you to take so if you could sit up, I’m sure it will help you feel better.”

              “…Need help…” I garbled just as Marco moved one of his arms to hook around my shoulders and start to pull me forward so that I could sit up. I could feel my broken ribs getting agitated with the movement, but it didn’t hurt as bad as my stupid head at the moment. Once I was upright, Marco handed me two white pills and a glass of water to wash it down. After I took them, I laid back down in the bed and waited for them to kick in so I could at least talk to my best friend like a normal person.

              While I was waiting on my medicine to kick in, Marco held my hand and rubbed his thumb in soothing circles on the back of my palm. As my headache started to wane, I started to notice that there was something heavy wrapped around my right foot, which I figured was a cast so that my ankle would heal up right. Luckily, it didn’t take too much longer for the nausea to stop and pain in my head to start dulling down enough so I could think straight again.

              “What time is it?” I asked once I was able to open my eyes and see that it was dark outside of the window.

              “It’s probably close to midnight, but I was allowed to be out here past curfew to see you since you’re considered my adopted sister,” Marco explained, “The nurses wanted to head to bed so they told me to stay and make sure you’re comfortable before I head back to the barracks. They also said your surgery went well though and you should make a full recovery within six weeks.”

              “That’s good to hear,” I weakly smiled at him just before questioning, “How’s Jean?”

              The slight smile on Marco’s face dropped and I immediately felt my heart start to sink.

              “Jean’s still knocked out. They’ve injected some nutrients and fluids in him a few hours ago and set aside some painkillers just in case he woke up with a headache as well, but that’s all they’ve done.”

              “Have they even checked over him to see why he’s still unconscious? Before my surgery, all I saw them do is wrap his head up.”

              “It’s suspected that he might have a concussion, but if it’s anything worse and he doesn’t wake up, they might not be able to do anything to help him.”

              “They’re just gonna let him die…?” my voice cracked as my eyes began to water again.

              “The medical crew is going to do their best, [First]. Don’t cut them down just yet. Jean’s gonna pull through.”

              “I hope so…”

              Trying to take my mind off of Jean, I willed away my tears so that I could at least enjoy Marco’s visit some more before he went back to the barracks to sleep. He told me that the other cadets had come by to check on me while I was asleep and they were relieved that I was going to be alright. I thought that was really nice of them to do that and told Marco that he should thank everyone for me tomorrow morning. The two of us continued to chat about random topics for a while longer until I noticed the slight weariness in Marco’s dark eyes and how frequent his yawns were becoming.

              “You know you still have to get up for drill tomorrow, Marco,” I told him, “Don’t let me keep you from getting the sleep you need.”

              “No, I’m good,” the dark haired boy says just before yawning once more.

              “Marco, I’m serious. Get some sleep. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, so you can come back here to visit tomorrow once you get a break. I don’t want you getting in trouble because of me.”

              “Are you going to be ok for the rest of the night?” Marco questioned as his worried expression came back, “Because I don’t want to leave you here alone if you still need help with anything. You still don’t look like you’re feeling great right now.”

              “I’ll be fine. I promise. It’s just this hangover from the alcohol which will wear off soon enough, especially with the help from this medicine. Now please get some rest. You look like you’re really tired, Marco.”

              His gaze held mine for a brief moment before he reluctantly sighed, “If you insist…”

              “You’ll thank me tomorrow.”

              “We’ll see.”

              Marco rose up from the chair he was sitting in beside the bed and checked over me once more before getting ready to leave me for the night. Just before he stepped away from my side, he bend down and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead.

              “I hope you feel better soon, [First],” Marco murmured before standing up straight again.

              “Thanks Marco. I hope you have a good night,” I smiled back at him and fondly squeezed his hand before he let go of it.

              “You too.”

              As soon as Marco left the room of the infirmary, I looked over at Jean’s unconscious form and sighed. I wish there was something I could to do help him at least wake up again and ease my worry. If he doesn’t make it, I don’t know how I’m going to live with myself knowing that it was my fault that Jean got this way. Just looking at him laying over there like a statue made me want to cry again, so I turned my head the other way to see if I could get some more rest and keep my mind off of worrying.

              While I laid there with my eyes closed, I couldn’t make myself fall back asleep. The bed was uncomfortable, especially with this cast weighing down on me, and the air seemed too dry in the room. Not only that, guilt of what happened earlier was keeping me up as well. It was all my fault for the fall earlier and for Jean getting hurt. If I had just thoroughly checked out my maneuvering gear before taking off, all this could have prevented. If I stopped pushing myself to keep up with the others when my wires started lagging, Jean would have been alright. It’s all my fault…

              Turning my head in the other direction again, I faced Jean’s unconscious form once more and wondered if he was going to be alright. It wasn’t long before something came over me and compelled me to get up from my bed to get closer to him. The task wasn’t as easy as it looked due to the bulky cast on my foot and the lack of support for me to grab a hold of, but I managed to make it over to the other side of the room. While I was making my way over there, I grabbed the chair that Marco had by my bed and use it as a crutch to move around. I then sat down in it once I made my way to the side of Jean’s bed.

              While I sat there, I noticed that Jean looked like he was feeling peaceful despite being knocked out. It was as if he had no worry in the world and I’ve honestly never had seen him this calm before. Even when he’s hanging out with me and Marco, he seemed a little guarded for some reason or another. I guess if you look on the bright side of this whole situation, he isn’t suffering in any pain from the accident.

              After a while of just sitting there and staring, I decided to take one of Jean’s hands into mine to see if it would help reassure me that he’s going to wake up. His skin felt warm beneath my palm, but even though the warmth was calming, it didn’t take long for me to feel guilty for causing all of this to happen.

              “I’m so sorry, Jean,” I started to apologize as I gripped his hand tighter, “It’s all my fault you’re like this. I should have checked my gear better or at least tried to get closer to the ground before it malfunctioned.”

              Tears began to well up in my eyes again as I leaned down to place kisses against his knuckles, “You should haven’t even tried to save me. You know all I do is cause trouble for you no matter what I do. Now look where I’ve got you. You should have just let me fall. That way…that way, you’d be okay right now.”

              My body racked with silent sobs as I held tightly to Jean’s hand. It was only a few seconds later before I thought I felt his hand squeeze mine back, but I figured that it was my mind playing cruel tricks on me by giving me false hope. Suddenly, his hand clutched tighter around mine and I knew I wasn’t imagining it this time.

              “Don’t…say…that,” groaned a voice that I’ve been longing to hear, “I’m glad…I saved you.”

              I looked up and was greeted with the sight of honey-colored eyes trying to focus in on mine. They were weary looking, but nonetheless, they were full of life. Jean was alive and that thought alone made me cry even harder.

              “Oh Jean!” I sobbed, “I was so scared that you weren’t going to make it!”

              Jean moved the hand that I was holding up to cup my cheek and let his thumb wipe away at my tears as they fell.

              “You actually thought that hitting a tree would take me out for good? Everyone knows it’ll take a whole lot more than that to stop me from kicking,” he replied cockily, trying to make me crack a smile.

              “You’re such an ass, you know that? It was that hard head of yours that saved you,” l chuckled as I wiped away my remaining tears. Then I asked him, “Are you feeling alright?”

              “I’m good. Head hurts like a bitch though.”

              “I think there’s some medicine around that will ease the pain.”

              I remembered Marco said there was an extra dose of pain medicine on the table in between our beds, so I carefully turned to grab those and the glass of water for Jean to use. Surprisingly, I managed to do all that and turn back around without aggravating my injured ribs. Must be some good painkillers they’ve given us.

              “These should help with the pain,” I told Jean while handing him the pills and the glass of water, “I took some earlier and it worked well.”

              “Thanks.”

              Jean took the medicine and chugged down the remaining water within the glass before putting it back on the table. There was a moment of silence between us as Jean waited for the medicine to kick in. I just kept my eyes on him and silently praised God that Jean wasn’t hurt as bad as we all thought he would be.

              “Did you get hurt too?” Jean questioned to break the silence once his headache let up.

              “Just a few broken ribs and my right ankle’s broke, but they did surgery on it a little while ago and told me I’ll be fine once it heals up,” I explained to him.

              “[First]! You’ve got fucking broken bones and just had surgery and you’re not even resting right now?” he fussed at me while he shifted over in his bed.

              “I was too worried over you to even try to rest! You’d been knocked out for twelve hours and I couldn’t stand laying there and doing nothing while no one was sure that you were ever gonna wake up again!”

              “Shhh! You’ll wake up the nurses with you being so loud,” Jean hushed me, “Just get in the bed with me. There’s enough room.”

              I felt myself flush from his command, “Why do you want me in your bed?”

              “So you’d get the weight off of that ankle. You don’t need to be on that ankle and I sure as hell am not letting you walk back on it to the other side of the room.”

              I really wasn’t in the mood for arguing with Jean about it since he technically was right, but I knew that if I laid there that close beside him, I wasn’t going to be able to get rid of my blush anytime soon.

              Since I decided to listen to Jean, I slowly began to ease my sore body into the bed as easily as I could without aggravating my hurt ribs. Jean carefully helped me get situated so that I was laying on my left side and facing him so my ankle could be elevated and to keep weight off the right side of my ribcage. Once I was finally comfortable in the bed, I looked over at the tawny haired male beside me only to find him scowling at the ceiling.

              “What’s wrong?” I questioned.

              “…I got you hurt from trying to save you. I’m sorry,” Jean apologized as he still avoided looking at me.

              “Hey, it’s alright,” I assured him as I reached for his hand to hold again, “Broken bones will heal and scratches and bruises fade away. It could have been worse, but I’ll be fine thanks to you.”

              After telling him this, Jean seemed to be at ease a little more than before. Now that he seemed less agitated, I hoped that he’d be able to answer the questions that I’ve had on my mind since he’s been awake.

              “Why did you try to save me, Jean? I was too far away for you to get to me in time safely and you knew going that fast on the maneuvering gear is a sure way to get yourself killed, especially with that many trees. Why did you risk your life to save mine?”

              Jean looked at me as if he was shocked that I had asked him such a thing.

              “You honestly don’t know?” he asked disbelievingly, “I could have sworn Marco would have told you by now.”

              “Marco doesn’t tell me everything that goes on between you two, especially if it’s about me,” I told him.

              He started to look a bit nervous, “Well damn, it would have made things easier on me if he did, but anyways... I started having a nightmare about a year ago that’s been reoccurring and even though I know they’re just dreams, they’ve manifested into a serious fear within me now that I don’t know if I can shake off.”

              “What was the nightmares about?” I asked him.

              Jean held my hand tighter before replying, “I keep dreaming about you dying right before my eyes and there’s nothing I could do to save you.”

              Judging by the pained expression upon his face, he must have been reliving the nightmares as he told me this.

              “Most of the time, all I can hear is your voice crying out my name in the darkness, but by the time I finally see you, it’s too late and I’m left alone with your corpse. Sometimes when it’s not dark, I’m literally right beside you and somehow you still end up falling to your death no matter how much I tried to save you. It’s always the same goddamn situation!” Jean growled like he was angry with himself, “But today, as soon as you fell out there, I was so fucking terrified that it would end up the same outcome as my nightmares. That’s why I used all the gas that I could to get to you in time to at least beat the odds, no matter what the risks were.”

              As Jean told me all of this, I felt awfully bad that I caused him so much grief even though it was not directly my fault. I understand how he feels though, because sometimes I get nightmares about losing him.

              I brought my free hand over to rest against Jean’s face, “I’m sorry for all the trouble, Jean. If it’s any consolation, I still get nightmares every now and then about that time we went on that mission and those thieves almost fatally shot you.”

              Jean let out a sigh and self-consciously buried the right side of his face in the pillow to hide the small scar left by the bullet from that incident. Then he admitted, “I guess it’s just one of the side effects that you get when you care for someone a lot.”

              I couldn’t tell if it was because of the words he spoke in that soft baritone voice of his, those captivating, amber eyes holding my gaze, or the warmth of his lean frame lying beside me, but something was drawing me closer to Jean and I wasn’t able to stop myself.

              That’s when I closed the distance between us and I kissed him.

              My heart was racing and blood was rushing to my face, but all I could think about was how soft Jean’s lips felt against mine and the shocks of pleasure coursing through my veins. It was blissful and even better than what I’ve ever imagined it to be. I could have sworn I never felt this happy before in my life, but the joy was short lived when I realized that he wasn’t kissing me back… or moving in general.

              Is Jean that shocked that he can’t respond or was it something else that made him freeze? Then a thought hit me that I didn’t consider before I made my decision to kiss him. It was probably because he still is hung up on Mikasa and I was just wishfully thinking that he liked me like more than a friend when he said he cared for me. I’m such an idiot…

              As the regret of my actions washed over me, I pulled back quickly and muttered an apology to Jean as I hung my head. I was so embarrassed about what I had done that tears started to roll down my cheeks and on top of that, my heart felt like something stabbed it with a dull knife. Oh God, I probably just fucked up my friendship with him!

              Suddenly, a calloused thumb and forefinger went under my chin to lift my face up so that I could look at Jean. His face was unreadable and he did look a little flushed, but he didn’t seem to be angry for what I had done. I guess I didn’t mess things up too bad, but it didn’t help that I was already dreading the words yet to be spoken.

              The silence seemed deafening with all the negative thoughts rushing through my head, but it didn’t last long before Jean’s voice pulled me out of my mind.

              “Why are you apologizing, [First]?”

              I looked at him confused at what he just asked me, but then I muttered, “I forgot that you liked Mikasa a lot.”

              Jean’s brows furrowed together like he was trying to understand what I just said, but once he grasped it, a cocky grin spread across his face.

              “I literally just confessed that I care a lot about you, yet you still think I like Mikasa more? God [First], are you sure you’re not the one who’s gotten hit in the head?” he teased me.

              “Shut up!” I fussed, “You’re the idiot who was always fawning over her. What else was I supposed to think?”

              “I stopped having a crush on her probably two years ago, but anyways… I’ll shut up, but only on one condition,” he smirked, “Kiss me again.”

              With that, I was a bit shocked he actually wanted me to kiss him again, but it didn’t take long to recover and reply back.

              “Only if you’ll kiss me back this time.”

              “I promise,” whispered Jean just before obliging me by pressing his lips against mine.

              This time, there was no question on if he was kissing me back.

              Jean had an arm around my waist to hold me while his hand cradled my face and helped him guide our kiss. He started off slow to test the waters and get used to the feeling of kissing me, but it didn’t take him long to get in the hang of it. The way his soft lips moved against mine had my heart racing again, but my anxiety of unrequited affections was long gone by now and I could lose myself within our kiss.

              At some point, I felt him start to run his slender fingers through my tresses and gain better access to my mouth. In return, I wrapped both of my arms around Jean’s shoulders and tangled a hand into his soft hair to run my fingernails across his scalp. That action was enough to make the man growl and kiss me deeper.

              This kiss alone was so much more than the fleeting peck I gave him minutes ago. It was longer, more enjoyable, and full of meaning. The way Jean kissed me was like he couldn’t get enough of me. I couldn’t say much though because he was driving me crazy as well with his intoxicating lips and resilient tongue. In fact, I was starting to get lightheaded from all these impassioned kisses he was giving me. Luckily, it wasn’t long before Jean pulled back from my lips so we could breathe again.

              For a moment, we just stared at each other and admired the flustered state both of us were in. Jean seemed really happy for once and it felt nice to know that I could make him that happy, but it also got me to wonder when he first started liking me more than a friend.

              “How long…” I panted, still trying to catch my breath, “have you wanted…to do that?”

              Jean let out an airy chuckle, “Probably a year. Maybe two.”

              “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

              “I don’t know… I mean, I’ve always felt like there was something about us that was different than just friendship and I guess I just got comfortable with what we had to even attempt risking it. I wasn’t sure if you felt something between us anyway, but that’s not a problem anymore.”

              “I’m surprised you didn’t know,” I told him, “According to everyone else in the whole corps, it was pretty obvious that I have feelings for you.”

              “Really?” he asked, incredulously.

              “Yup and I’m pretty sure once Marco finds out, he’s gonna throw us a party or something with everyone.”

              Staring at the ceiling, I imagined the thought of all of our friends going crazy once we tell them that we’ve confessed our feelings and it made me chuckle. I waited for a snarky remark to come from Jean after I had told him that, but all that was left between us was silence. It wasn’t like him to just randomly stop talking to me, so I turned my head and looked up to find the poor guy’s face burning a bright red and looking so nervous.

              “What’s wrong, Jean? You don’t want anyone to know about this?” I questioned.

              “No! It’s not th-that at all…” he stuttered as he avoided eye contact with me. “D-does all this mean…you w-wanna be…my girlfriend?”

              I wanted to laugh at how adorable Jean looked while acting like a flustered schoolboy, but I know if I did, that it might confuse him of my true answer and I definitely didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. Using the hand that wasn’t holding his, I brought it up to Jean’s cheek to make him look me in the eyes as I replied, “I would love to be your girlfriend if that is what you want me to be.”

              With that, I watched Jean’s flushed face morph from disbelief to shock then to pure happiness all within a few seconds. The way he grinned back at me was enough to let me in on his thoughts of the matter.

              “I would like that,” he said just before he leaned in to kiss me sweetly once more.

              Once we pulled apart, I started to feel a bit lethargic, which was probably caused by a combination of the pain killers, the alcohol, and the emotionally taxing day I’ve had, so I laid my head against Jean’s chest to rest. He seemed content with just holding me against him and running his fingers through my hair, so I didn’t bother to move. While I was lying there, I got to thinking about what was going to happen once everyone found out about our relationship change. I mean, I highly doubt that Jean and I are going to be subtle about our affections, but I wondered if we should tell some of our friends about it or just let them find out themselves. I guess Jean might have some idea on how to break the news to everyone.

              “Hey Jean?”

              “What is it, [First]?” he questioned.

              “How are we going to go about telling our friends that we’re together?”

              “We don’t have to tell them anything. I mean, I guess we should tell Marco sometime soon, but I’m sure that the others will figure it out eventually,” answered Jean with a shrug. “It’s our relationship in the first place and if anyone honestly wants to know that bad if we’re together, then they can come and ask us. Now stop worrying about everything and get some sleep. I can tell you’re exhausted and you need to rest so that your injuries will heal up faster.”

              “But I’m not that tired. I’d rather stay up and talk to you.”

              “Oh, I see. So now you’re going to try to use my affection towards you against me as an excuse to get out of things.”

              “C’mon Jean, you know that’s not true. I’m serious though, I don’t need to sleep right now and I’ve missed out on a lot of time today that I usually spend with you.”

              “As much as I’d love for us to stay up and talk for the rest of the night, I know it wouldn’t be good for your health. You’re recovering from a hangover and you’ve got broken bones that need to heal as quickly as possible so that you can get back to training with us for our final exam that’s roughly eight months away,” explained Jean. “There’s no doubt that some people are going to move up in ranks while you’re recovering and I certainly don’t want someone like Jaeger wasting your spot in the top ten, only to join the suicidal Survey Corps. This is why I want you to get your rest. You see? I promise that you’ll have plenty of time to spend talking to me once you wake up again.”

              “Whatever you say…” I replied with a yawn and snuggled closer to my boyfriend. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, he was right. Rest was the only thing that was going to help me heal up faster and I sure as hell did not want to give up my spot in the top ten. I just didn’t want to go asleep and realize that this is all some kind of dream even though I am pretty sure I’m lucid right now.

              “Don’t look so sad about it, [First]. You do know that someone’s going to need to help you around now that you’ve got that bum foot and that means you and I will get to spend even more time together than usual.”

              “You really want to tote me around everywhere?”

              “I don’t mind. Technically, I’m the reason why you need healing, but I’d take you with a few broken bones than squashed on the ground any day.”

               “Yeah, I rather have that too than the latter,” I replied just before a yawn passed through my lips. “At least it’s a good enough excuse to be around each other more.”

              “True.”

              While I laid there against Jean’s chest, I noticed that I was progressively yawning more and my eyes started to feel heavier than before. Even though I still don’t want to, I might as well start succumbing to the slumber that I’ve been trying to fight off for a few hours now.

              “Jean, I think I’m gonna go to sleep now. I’m tired.”

              “Really? You’ve finally decided to listen to me? Is it going to snow?” he teased, so I shot a glare back at him. That made him laugh even harder.

              “Do you want me to crawl back to my own bed?”  
              That shut Jean up quick.

              “No! I’m sure as hell I’m not letting you put any weight on that foot.”

              “Then stop being an ass.”

              “Alright, alright…” Jean replied with a sigh and then asked, “Are you comfortable lying like this at my side? You’re not hurting anywhere, right?”

              “Yeah, I’m fine,” I answered while snuggling closer. Just before I settled back down, I leaned up towards my boyfriend’s face to give him a chaste kiss. “Goodnight Jean.”

              “Goodnight [First]. Sweet dreams.”

              Jean kissed my forehead once I rested my head against his shoulder and then went back to playing with my hair to help lull me on to sleep. It was working too because it didn’t take long for me to reach the edge of consciousness.

              Just as I was about to drift off, I whispered to Jean, “I’m glad you made it out alright today.”

              “I’m glad you’re going to be alright too,” he murmured into my hair, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

              The last thing I remembered doing was hugging him tightly before I was out like a light.

* * *

              The following morning, I awoke to the sound of bustling nurses flitting around the infirmary and chatting with each other. One of them must have picked up on my movements because before I was even fully conscious, I had a nurse tugging at some of the old bandages that adorned my body. Once I finally was coherent enough to figure out what was happening around me, I noticed that I was in my own bed again and it confused me. Didn’t I fall asleep with Jean last night? …Unless it was all a dream… Dammit!

              Shock and disappointment coursed through my body almost immediately once I realized that I had probably fell back asleep last night right after Marco had left the room and everything that happened afterwards was all in my head. It felt almost too real to be a dream though…but if it was real, wouldn’t I be beside Jean now?

              God, I’m so confused… And I hate my life.

              It took the nurse a good five minutes to change all my bandages to fresh ones. Meanwhile, I was silently brooding over my hateful brain concocting false memories from my wishes. Once she was done with her task, the nurse left the room to go get me something to eat for breakfast.

              Suddenly, a quite familiar voice spoke from across the room.

              “G’morning [First].”

              I whipped my head around to find the one and only Jean Kirschtein smiling brightly in my direction while holding a bowl of porridge in his hands. He didn’t have bandage around his head anymore like he did last night, but there was a few cuts and a bruise upon his forehead from where he hit the tree. Other than that, he seemed quite happy for once… and he looked absolutely adorable.

              “Good morning Jean,” I answered back as I tried to keep myself from blushing.

              “Oh, if you’re wondering, I carried you over there last night before dawn broke. I didn’t want the nurses to get the wrong idea,” Jean informed me with a wink, “You looked a bit confused there a minute ago.”

              It took a second for the shock to pass from what he said, but once it did, I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. Everything that happened last night turned out to be true and not just some drug-induced dream that I originally thought I had. That also meant Jean and I were together now and that fact alone was enough to make a warm happiness radiate through my being that I haven’t felt in years. It’s ironic how another life-threatening experience changed my life once again, but at least this one’s been good to me for once.

              As I stretched to relieve the stiffness of my muscles, I happened to look back over to my boyfriend eating his breakfast and I smiled. Yeah, it was definitely a good morning.


End file.
